Charlotte Sometimes

Category: Life

  • Successful New Year Dating

    Successful New Year Dating

    The New Year celebrations are all about having fun, right? And what better way to have fun as you head into January than trying to find someone to snuggle up with through the cold, dark, winter months!

    Truth be told though, dating is hard at any time of the year. And during the winter it can really start to grind you down. Those dark evenings can make it a real drag to get out and about meeting people after you’ve finished work. So you need to make it easy for yourself and the best way to start is by smartening up your profile and attracting the kind of people that you really, really want to meet.

    Tell People About You

    No really. I know it seems obvious but it’s a great place to start. So many people write about what they’re looking for on their profiles but they barely write anything about who they are. How are people supposed to know if they’re interested or not? They’ll just move on to the next profile if they have no idea who you are and what you love.

    Plus the things you do are fascinating to other people. You might think that your hobby of making Christmas wreaths while singing Frank Sinatra is weird, but there will be someone out there who thinks it sounds brilliant and wants to have a go with you. Tell the world about what you love to do, and someone will find you interesting enough to message you – believe me!

    Tell People What Your Deal-Breakers Are

    Allow them to self select themselves out of the running. If it’s a deal-breaker when someone isn’t vegan then be up front about it. Don’t wait until you’ve started messaging each other because by then you’ve already started to establish a relationship of some kind. If you wouldn’t go out with men five years older or younger than yourself, write that too! You’ll get the occasional person who will lie, but most decent people will read your requirements and then move on to the next profile if they don’t suit! This is great because it means you spend less time reading profiles and replying to people you’re not interested in, and more time actually getting out and about with your new beau!

    Be Specific About Location

    The reality is that we all have a rough idea of how far you’re willing to travel for a date. If you’re only willing to look as far as Hertfordshire dating, for example, then you should write that on your profile! There’s really no point in saying you’ll go anywhere when the reality is that you won’t. We all know, logically, that exceptions can be made for the right person, but the right person will probably drop you a message to ask if you’d be willing to literally go the extra mile.

    All in all you just want to tailor your profile to give yourself the best chance possible to meet new people over this festive period. If you spend an hour or two freshening everything up then you might just be able to find yourself a few dates over the next few weeks of holidays!

  • Avoiding the Single Life at Christmas

    Avoiding the Single Life at Christmas

    There’s always a bit of stigma attached to being single around Christmas and New Year, and so many of us redouble our dating efforts in the run up to the holidays. I have no idea where this stigma comes from, but I know that the fear of being single for the festive season really does make a difference – the dating sites always seem to be far busier at this time of year!

    One of the ways to really make a difference to your chances of meeting someone during the festive season is to have a real stand-out profile picture. There’s more and more photographers, like myself, who will shoot profile pictures for dating sites. It is a really worthwhile investment to hire a photographer to shoot your portrait if you want to stand out amongst the crowd.

    This is the shot that I’ve been using recently for my own dating site profile picture. Although it doesn’t show my whole face, it’s given me the best success I’ve ever had!

    You see, it stands out in the results as potential matches school through their search results. Anything that entices people to click on your profile and take a look is great news when it comes to online dating, especially around Christmas.

    It also shows my tattoos, which can be a sticking point for many people, and gives people a rough idea of my style, my hair, and my body. So even through it doesn’t give everything away, it gives enough away to make people want to look closer.

    When you are choosing a photograph for your dating profile I think eye contact is super important. Get some shots of you where you’re looking right down the camera! They say that the eyes are the window to the soul, so don’t hide away behind sunglasses or by facing the other way! Let people see what you’re all about and you’ll have far more success for those New Year’s parties!

    Another thing to consider is the kind of style and interests you want to portray in your profile photo. If you spend every weekend cliff diving then you might want to let any potential partner know that it’s a big part of your life. Your hobby will most likely turn off as many people as it turns on, but that’s a good thing – right? It makes the shortlist of potential hot dates for New Year’s Eve an even shorter one that requires less time to sort through!

    Don’t forget to perhaps try and include some images that show you in your local area if you’d like to try and find someone who comes from your area. It’s always great to feel a connection with someone through their photo. For instance when I was into the Cardiff dating scene I always made sure to include some images shot in the Brecon Beacon’s while I was out walking. It would pique the interest of those local to me with similar hobbies and I met up with more than one person because of those shots!

    Above all don’t forget to be genuine and have fun. Good luck with your festive dating!

  • Finding Gifts for my Golfer Dad

    Finding Gifts for my Golfer Dad

    I’ve always found buying gifts for my father incredibly difficult. I’ve mostly resorted to gifting experiences now – it started a few years ago when I took him to an art exhibition that was meaningful for the two of us and I’ve kind of carried on that way ever since. But sometimes it’s nice to see him unwrap those beaded bracelets, custom-made gifts like pillows, photo frames, t-shirts, etc. that I could get him (for additional reading, tap here). Especially at the time of Christmas, it is endearing to watch him unwrap the gifts with the enthusiasm of a child. As children, there is no greater joy than seeing your parents happy and doing something for them. I usually take a lot of joy in those little pleasures.

    My Dad is a golfer. Over the years I’ve tried to buy him golf gifts and almost always failed. It’s one of those hobbies that if you’re not really into it then you probably have no clue what to buy someone. I’m sure that there are hundreds of amazing gifts and gadgets that any golfer would love to have – but my father is not the kind of man who knows where to find the Amazon wishlist button, and so they are largely unknown to me! My friend suggested that I get him one of those cute Custom Bobbleheads in his golf outfit. While it would have been a really cute gift, I had other plans.

    This year I’ve decided to buy him some vouchers for his local driving range. I know he likes to head over to the driving range when he can, and sometimes I even go with him (some years ago he bought me, second hand, my own little set of clubs). I’m not great, but most of the time I manage to hit the ball and get it to sail off down the driving range to some corner that I wasn’t aiming for…

    Anyway, vouchers on their own are a little dull. So I’m going to pick him up a small gift to go with it. I’ve narrowed it down to a few different options.

    Something Handmade

    It’s no secret that I make things for a living. I’ve even started to write a whole series about starting a handmade business. I’ve been considering making a little embroidered pouch for my Dad this Christmas but I am struggling to decide what design I should do.

    I’m thinking something like this because he’s a little traditional, but the embroidery site I often purchase from also has some cute retro designs too.

    Small cloth pouches are so useful for just about every hobby – I imagine he could store tees in them or perhaps a slightly larger one might store a few golf balls or similar.

    Cute T-Shirts

    There’s always room for more t-shirts in any Dad’s life, right? He retired a few years ago but found himself bored so he got himself another job… so this t-shirt from golf crowd seems particularly appropriate! I’m fairly sure that he’s said this exact same thing to me on more than one occasion when giving me some fatherly advice to not work too hard and spend time doing the things I love instead.

    Or there’s always a Golf Book…

    I happen to know that my Dad spends most of his internet-surfing time looking at beautiful foreign golf courses, working out which is the best golf simulator available that can replicate these courses, and figuring out how much it will cost to tour the world playing on them.

    Although part of me thinks I should be discouraging him from spending most of my inheritance, I also think he should just get on and enjoy himself – and perhaps he’ll take me to one or two of them as well!

    That’s why this book full of stunning photography and interesting commentaries is on my list of gifts to buy him this Christmas or for his birthday in January. I usually buy him historical fiction books but I’m a bit out of the loop on what’s good at the moment. So this year perhaps I’ll change it up and do something different!

  • Wedding Venues and Wedding Photos

    Wedding Venues and Wedding Photos

    As a photographer myself I’m pretty confident that my dream wedding venue would have loads of great spots for photos. Photographs are really important to me. I record my life on a near-constant basis through the lenses of various cameras. I’ve got no reason to think that my wedding would be any different!

    I often see photographers on forums and Facebook groups discussing what equipment they need for weddings at great length. And often these discussions are focused on the light (or lack of it) during the ceremony. It can be a really difficult thing to photograph a wedding ceremony that happens somewhere without great natural light. So if photographs of your wedding day are as important to you as they would be to me then I’d like to tell you a little bit about what will help your photographer out.

    Look for Great Natural Light

    Big windows. That’s usually what it comes down to. Big windows that aren’t North facing. But beautiful historic buildings often lack huge glass windows. Weddings in magical old historic buildings often don’t have much light though, which does then make things much harder for the photographer. Although, most good photographers would cope admirably, especially those who have knowledge of how to work in minimum light. A professional can also help in deciding on the best possible photoshoot spot in the wedding venue that can work for the duration of the wedding. However, it could be much better to have a photographer who is excelling themselves because they don’t have to worry about the light!

    That’s why venues like Cain Manor are so great. It’s a gorgeous country house with a huge modern barn-style music room that is licensed to hold ceremonies. The windows are floor to ceiling and your wedding photographer will not be disappointed at the wonderful light that they’ve got to work with! The quality of your wedding photos will be superb, and all your photographer has to do is focus on capturing the emotions of the ceremony.

    Find a Stylish but Timeless Venue

    Have you ever looked at your parents wedding album? I have. It’s a horrible seventies monstrosity with orange carpets and my Nan wearing massive platform shoes. Orange carpets might have been cool back then, but they certainly aren’t now.

    If you’re going to want to put your wedding photos on the wall (and why wouldn’t you?) then look for a denver wedding venue or maybe one in your vicinity, with neutral colors and timeless elegance. White or light-coloured furniture, accents that won’t date quickly, and classic decor are what you’re after. Yes, it might be cool to have your wedding in that fancy ultra-modern wine bar in the big city but it a decade or two the veneer will have worn thin!

    By picking timeless classics for your venue, dress, and accessories you’ll want to have your wedding photos on display for much longer than they might otherwise stick around. And why shouldn’t you? You’ll have paid an awful lot of money to have a photographer come along to your dream wedding!

    Most Importantly – Put Your Spin On It

    I know it would be important for me to put my own spin on my wedding and the wedding photos that get taken. I’m not sure quite what that would look like, but I’m pretty sure it would involve me working with my photographer to get everything right. I’d probably even choose my photographer before my venue just to make sure that everything was compatible!

  • A Dream Wedding in Paris

    A Dream Wedding in Paris

    I don’t know what it was about Paris, but I really fell in love with the city. I think if I was to get married, then Paris would definitely be a dream wedding destination for me. There’s something about Paris that oozes both charm and sophistication. I mean, imagine hiring a private jet for your close family and friends and marrying your love of life in Paris. It’s like a dream come true. I know there are costs involved, but for that, you can use aids like private jet charter cost estimator or similar applications, probably consult a wedding planner to calculate the wedding costs, etc. Paris, also called a City of Love, could be a perfect wedding destination.

    I don’t know if it was getting up early and finding a bakery to provide me with a strong black coffee and a pastry for a few Euros (this is how lots of Parisians eat in the morning so it’s super cheap) or lounging around late at night on the pavement seating outside of the cafes in the city center. But I just felt like I was somehow doing pretty well at life when I was out there for my combined thirtieth birthday and university study trip!

    The image above was shot in the Musée d’Orsay. It’s a converted railway station that was originally built at the turn of the last century and it is stunning. I’ve always thought that the idea of getting married in an art gallery was terribly romantic. Especially, if you can be surrounded by statues depicting myths and legends to do with love.

    Booking your Dream Wedding Photographer

    Over the years I’ve interviewed a few photographers who specialise in destination weddings and they all say similar things. The first piece of advice they give is to make sure you book your dream wedding photographer early. Destination weddings take a chunk of the photographers time, more than a regular wedding, and so it’s worth looking around very early and putting a deposit down.

    You’ll also want to shoot with your photographer as soon as possible to make sure you’re compatible. Some people just don’t get on and that’s ok! Many photographers encourage an engagement shoot for exactly this reason – so that they can learn about you and you can learn about them. When you book a photographer for a destination wedding you’re likely to spend a few days with them. You want to make the most of paying for them to be out there after all!

    Hiring a photographer who knows the city and its wedding venues is always a good idea too. Whether it’s someone who has gone there many times as a visitor, or someone who is an old hand at photographing weddings there. It means that they’ll spend less time scouting for locations and more time photographing you. They’ll probably have some great recommendations with regards to eating, drinking, and sightseeing too! You’ll also want to see if your photographer works with any suppliers. Photographers often have great relationships with other creatives and might be able to put you in touch with people who can really add the perfect finishing touches to your big day.

    Creating Your Own Vision

    Everyone has their own vision of what their dream wedding might look like. For me it’s an art gallery in one of the most sophisticated cities on the planet. For others I’m sure it would be entirely different. What’s important is that you do it in a way that feels authentic to you.

    Oh, and I would totally wear a couture black suit to get married in if I was getting married in Paris. And I’d feel chic in a way that only Paris can make you feel.

  • Online Dating for Older Women

    Online Dating for Older Women

    I used to be worried about hitting 30, but actually it was reasonably painless and nothing much changed. I’m fairly sure that 30 is the new 21 or something. I don’t feel old, even though my young 16 year old colleagues think I’m positively ancient (and the other week worked out that I’m legally old enough to be their mother…). Now I’m in my mid-thirties, and my 40th birthday isn’t actually that far off. Now, this bothers me because my earliest memory is of my Dad’s 40th birthday party. And my Dad isn’t young.

    Anyway. 40. It’s not that far off. I think that’s when in the dating community I start to get the “mature” label. Mind you, I already get that occasionally and I’m only in my mid-30s! There are plenty of men who are always looking to find mature cougar women. In fact, sometimes I think I might find more men to date when I hit my forties than I do now!

    Adopting The Cougar Label

    Will I adopt the “cougar” label when I’m older? Yes, I think so. I’ve always liked dating younger men and will quite happily meet 18 year olds with no real second thought. It’s not like I’m looking for a life partner, so I see no reason why I shouldn’t. I know that the word cougar as a label can sometimes have quite negative connotations, but as long as you’re adopting the label rather than being called it, then I think it’s fine.

    In fact, I think it’s more than fine. When I go to clubs, and when I’m looking online, I’m definitely looking to take the lead. I wouldn’t say predatory because I think that word can have quite negative connotations when used in the world of dating and sex, but I’ve never been shy of telling someone what I want and how I want it. I’ve never really restricted my friendship group by age, and I doubt I will do so in the future. So finding websites, when I’m older, that will help me to start friendships and potentially have relationships with younger men will certainly be on my list of things to do! That’s assuming that the online dating scene doesn’t change too much in the next couple of years!

    Like Mother Like Daughter

    Of course, none of this will come as any surprise to the people who know me. Both my Mum and my Aunt have married younger men after getting divorced! In fact, my stepdad is younger than one of my partners which everyone seems to find quite strange! It was difficult at first since he was so close to my own age, but now it turns out that having my Mum’s husband near the same age as myself is pretty cool. I don’t know if she’s a cougar, but she’s definitely an older lady married to a considerably younger man! Is that enough to quality? Perhaps.

    Fifteen years ago there used to be more of a stigma to both online dating and older women dating younger men, but I’m not sure that’s so much the case any longer. There’s more freedom in society to behave how you want and do the things that make you happy. This is excellent news of course and hopefully it’s just the beginning of the freedom that women, in particular, will have in the future. Nobody should be judged for who they want to date, or even just who they want to have sex with! Who you choose to meet and be intimate with is between the people involved and nobody else.

    I do wonder, if my Mum was single now, if she’d look online for a free older singles dating site. When she got together with my Stepdad she didn’t need to look online because she met him at work, but I wonder what she would have done if that hadn’t worked out for her. Would she have done online dating? She’s not the best with technology, but I like to think that perhaps she would have worked it out and met someone new.

    Technology Generation

    As we get older though, we’re a generation that was born into technology. Computer scientists in their forties are not unusual. They were the first generation to have computers as they left secondary school and went to university! Everyone now is so much better with technology and navigating the world of the internet. It does give me hope that people who are older and who have perhaps divorced, lost a loved one, or just simply chosen to have an open relationship are now being able to access websites where they can find lots of likeminded people.

  • How To Win At Online Dating

    How To Win At Online Dating

    I’ve been on an awful lot of dates over the years, almost all arranged online. Over the years I think I’ve worked out how to get the best out of online dating sites. Well, at least I seem to have worked out how to have the most fun with the least effort and drama which is a huge win for me! So without further ado – my tips for winning at online dating.

    Spend Time Talking To People

    Yes, I know it seems counterproductive if all you want is a fling. But honestly, try it out. I normally try and have contact with a month or so before I meet someone for a coffee. I’m not talking about every day, but a few exchanges a week will quickly give you a feel for the person. Then you won’t find yourself in the same awkward situation as one of my partners where he, as a dedicated socialist and campaigner or liberal issues managed to arrange a date on a certain ‘swipe’ app with someone who was a conservative lawyer handling distinctively non-liberal cases… I’m not saying it wouldn’t have worked… but…

    You also get an idea of what they’re going to be like during sex. If someone badgers you repeatedly to chat when you’re busy, or if they insist on doing things that you’ve asked them not to… well… it doesn’t bode well for meeting them and jumping into bed, does it? I always ask certain things of people I’m planning to meet (don’t call me nicknames like babe or hun, don’t ask me to sext before we’ve met, etc) so if they break those rules I know that they don’t respect my rules enough to meet me. I dread to think what he consequences might be if they broke other more intimate rules down the line.

    Meet For Coffee, Nor Beers or Dinner

    I always meet for coffee, not beers. Firstly because I don’t really drink these days, but secondly because even when I did it was too easy to say ‘go on, I’ll have another one then.’ Of course this also means that you can’t drive after a meet, meaning you either have to meet nearby or within public transport distance. All of these things increase the risk of being followed home, not getting home, or just getting a set of beer goggles attached and doing things you later regret!

    Why not dinner? Well trust me – even after pre-screening on dating sites and talking to people for a long time beforehand, some people are just absolutely dull in the flesh. Meeting for ‘a coffee’ gives you a break point where you can easily leave. Dinner means having to sit through potentially three courses plus coffee, and having to pay for the privilege of it too!

    Go Dutch

    You immediately know what kind of a person someone is if they refuse to go halves on the date. Obviously it’s hard to go halves on a round of coffee, but if they refuse to let you buy the second lot of coffees then… well… I’m not sure that’s a person I want to spend time with (your mileage may vary). I’ve been a student for the past six years and so I’ve not had an awful lot of cash free for dating, but I still always make sure that I date within my means and pay my way.

    Recognise That Elimination Is Progress

    They sent an off-colour message? Block. They were too pushy? Block. Didn’t fancy them? Block. Came across strangely over coffee? Block.

    I know, it’s not nice to get blocked. But you’re not here to put other peoples feeling’s before your own. Dating sites such as We Love Dates have an “ignore” function which you should use frequently whenever you’ve decided that someone is not for you. Why? Because then they can’t message you again and waste your time further.

    Working out that people aren’t for you is progress and you should absolutely recognise it as such. Don’t be afraid to say no – your time (both online and in person) is precious and you should treat it as if it was.

    Listen To Your Instincts

    If something doesn’t feel right then you need to listen to your gut feeling. I’m not saying that my gut is infallible, but it’s been right more times than my head and heart care to admit! You can always go on another coffee date if you’re not sure about someone – better than moving towards too quickly! The right people, who are interested in you, will be more than happy to wait until you’re happy.

    By following these snippets of my own advice I end up having lots of successful dates which often lead to more! I find that I rarely have no shows or uncomfortable moments further down the line because I put the time and effort in up front before things have progressed to the in-person stage.

    Using dating sites is a different beast to dating in person and is still relatively new. It’s unsurprising that some people are still trying to figure out how it all works and feel their way around the online dating community – but if you spend time figuring out what works for you, then I promise it’ll pay off in the future!

  • Adult Dating Sites and Becoming Non-monogamous

    Adult Dating Sites and Becoming Non-monogamous

    Look, I’m not going to lie, becoming genuinely non-monogamous in your outlook and lifestyle is hard work. I’ve been doing it for about seven years or so now and I’m just starting to get the hang of it. The problem is that you’re generally brought up with monogamy all around you and it’s treated as the default. I never really knew that there was an alternative option until I was in my mid-twenties and I’ve been living my life that way ever since – mostly by way of adult dating sites!

    Most of the population might not know about polygamy or may feel embarrassed or get deterred from such concepts due to societal norms. So, these choices and desires may turn into fantasies and fetishes. Such people might try to introduce sex dolls similar to an irontech doll into their relationship to achieve some resemblance to a polygamous relationship. Probably, it can work for people in a committed relationship with a partner who might be into monogamy.

    However, I don’t have a traditional polyamorous relationship either. Mostly you’ll find a couple dating other people together as a couple, or a “closed triad” (i.e. three people who don’t date others outside of the triad). Instead, I prefer more of a “no strings” arrangement, but with more feelings and emotions than you’d perhaps expect. Treating everyone kindly and being honest seems to be a great way to live my life. (more…)

  • September [08:46]

    September [08:46]

    (Copied from a post I made from Facebook.)

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    Sometimes I sit on the floor of my photography studio to work rather than anywhere more conventional like a desk with a chair, or the sofa. I don’t know why I like the floor in here so much. Maybe it’s because I’ve drunk wine, a rarity for me at home, and therefore it feels safer down here.

    I’m contemplating the case studies I might use in my Masters thesis, to support my argument that videogames are works of art, when I find a book on the floor under the table in here. It’s not supposed to be here – only photography books go in this room. It’s meant to be downstairs in the study with my art books.

    It’s called ‘September’ and is an essay on Gerhard Richter’s painting of the same name – attached below to this post. It’s a small work, about 50x70cm. Indeed about the size of a television… or a computer monitor.

    Can you see it? If you let your eyes relax like a magic eye picture. Can you make out the image of the World Trade Centre?

    I’ve never seen the original of this painting with it’s thick layers of paint applied and then scraped back – I’ve only ever seen one of the edition of 40 prints. They are printed on vinyl, enlarged slightly, and shown between two pieces of glass, only increasing the temptation to compare it to a computer monitor. Or a TV screen.

    The book argues that paintings can be a way to engage with complicated events in our world today. That they can shape and mould our understanding of the world. That they can help us come to terms with world-shattering events.

    There is a game called [08:46]. I say a game, it’s a ‘serious game’, technically, if you want to use the lingo of the industry. It uses Oculus Rift technology to allow you to explore what happened at 0846 that dreadful day in September 2001.

    I was at school. Everyone can remember what they were doing that day. I was at school, and I found out about it in the parquet floored entrance hall, next to the big glass wall of windows that looked out over the playground. At home, after school, I watched the news with my grandmother. I even remember my sullen response – I had grown up near London with the ever-present threat of my father being blown up at work by the IRA. Terrorism was ingrained in the fabric of my life even at the age of 16.

    I should ‘play’ [08:46] to see if it brings the same kind of visceral experience and understanding that being stood in front of the Richter painting does. The Richter gave me that strong feeling as if I’d been punched in the gut. The layers and layers of paint, the streaks, the colour, the vinyl and the glass, it was like being there in front of the TV again. Watching the news. While people burned.

  • There’s nothing good about today.

    0130hrs I got up this morning. I couldn’t sleep. Too much was weighing on my mind. The results of the EU Referendum will impact my life, perhaps more than most. I slipped downstairs and put on the BBC news that is running all night.

    In the early hours the Remain vote started to pull ahead. For a while there those presenting the show seemed upbeat and positive, but then it started to go downhill. Leave began to take key areas. The map turned blue.

    I’ve just graduated with almost fifty thousand pounds worth of debt from university. This doesn’t scare me – not at all. The last three years of my life has been more than worth than that – I’d have paid double.

    The EU has been one of the things that has helped make the institution that I studied at so good. Only recently they celebrated being placed 20th in the rankings for History of Art. Not bad for an old polytechnic. It’s EU investment that got us here. It’s EU students that have diversified the student body, and bought multiculturalism to what we do.

    If we leave the EU many institutions have stated that our education system will suffer. Less money, less foreign students, less talent. Many will downsize their operations. Many will just simply get worse.

    My degree teeters on the edge. I took a gamble and went to an up and coming university. My universities reputation is likely to go down in the global rankings now. My degree is not worth as much in the global market now as it was two hours ago.

    My career was based on the idea that I wanted to be a lecturer. But there will be less money in the future. More staff fighting over fewer jobs. Less money for research. Less research. A downward spiral.

    Our currency has this morning hit levels that have not been since since before I was born. I am 31 years old.

    We are fucked. My career is fucked.

    What could I have done better? What could I have said to convince people to vote Remain? How could I have used my writing more effectively? I don’t know.